Balancing It All with Ilea

In this episode, I sit down with Ilea to talk about what it really looks like to juggle faith, family, entrepreneurship, and self-care — without losing yourself in the process. From setting boundaries to protecting your joy, we get real about the challenges and blessings that come with wearing many hats.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey Fab family, I'm excited for today's episode because I'm chatting with my close friend sister Ailea. We're talking about something so real, tackling entrepreneurship while balancing motherhood, marriage, and still finding ways to prioritize joy. We're keeping it honest, full of laughs, and sharing the ways she's learned and is still learning to thrive without losing herself in the grind. So if you've ever felt pulled in a million directions, this episode is for you. Welcome to the Fan Podcast, Ailea. All right. Hello everyone. I am excited to be here. Thank you so much for having me. Absolutely. So before we jump in, Ailea, what's one thing that's been grounding you lately? Like a little moment or reminder that helps you pause, breathe, and remember you're doing just fine? That's a good question. You know what? My breath. So I have been making sure to breathe more intentionally lately. And just be like, because sometimes that's the only moment I have. And so that quick grounding breath has been helping as of recent. I'm good. I was in a Pilates class. And it was a black guy made his gene. Hilarious. He was so fun. Um, but during the class, he was just like, I don't hear enough people in here breathing. He was like, You guys, sound like you're holding your breath. And so a lot of times I think we, although breathing is supposed to be very natural, sometimes when we're stressed or maybe just have a lot going on, sometimes we honestly forget to breathe. Yes. And I think I'm one of those people. Yep. That would and it's so funny that you say that. I remember this is before my husband, for my child, I would take yoga classes like it was nothing, you know, morning, evening, whatever I wanted to go. And I always remember them hearing that. I'm not hearing you breathe. I'm like, what the what in the hell are you talking about? I am I am alive. So I am breathing. Right? But it's really those deep breaths. So I've gone back to that, and that is what's been helping um lately. Okay. That's a really good reminder to like just breathe, I guess. Because nothing is for forever. And we're gonna continue to experience all different types of things in life. So y'all remember to breathe, please. Absolutely. So um now I want to start talking about one of the biggest parts of your story, motherhood. How would you say it has shaped or shifted your sense of identity as both a woman and an entrepreneur? Um, as a woman, definitely I would say that it's just no longer about me. You know what I mean? Absolutely. Any thoughts that I have, any goals that I have, it can't just serve me. And you know, people think, oh, you know, that comes so normally you're a mom, but I am I'm a later in life mom, you know, so I had a lot of time to think about me and I enjoyed it. I think it was quite productive. Um, so I would just say that being a mother just really it really started, it allowed me to see that I have to make decisions for the long run. And that include my husband and my son to an extent, you know. Absolutely. Um and I also can't take them on like the passion projects because all the things I love make no money. Yeah, that's just me. All you know, gardening, sipping tea, girl, reading my book, all the things I would just spend all all day doing. Imagine a world where you could just get paid to do the things that she loves. The random things. I'm not asking for a lot. I understand the market, just a little bit. If I can get like 40,000 a year just to sip tea, I feel like that's a good start. Absolutely. That's a wonderful stuff. I'll try all the tea, I'll end up at all the tea houses. So, but yeah, motherhood let me know that it's not about me. Um, when I think about like business or any project I take on now, I usually ask myself, like, will this create more freedom? That's my major thing right now. I said, I need more time. I work nine to five. Um so time is like has 24 hours in a day. Is that even enough? Right. I can't be feeling like it's not others. Mothers, wives, so employees, entrepreneurs. Yeah, it's the time. So that's what I'm chasing now. Is that gonna create more time, especially now that my son is little? Um, once he goes to school, I think things are gonna look different. Absolutely. You know, I'm here now. So, you know, you know, just think about will this benefit us as a whole? Um, and so now everything that I do, my husband included, it's just the bigger picture comes to the forefront more than so. You feel like motherhood has kind of made you be more mindful about what you're giving your time and your energy. Exactly. Because I I don't have any of it. It started with I don't have much. Now it's just like, no, I I think about my few. They got my right. Absolutely. Yeah, I do believe that motherhood makes you more intentional about your time and what you're giving your energy to because I'm a mom of three. Um I know, I know. Let me say that again. I'm a mom of three. I'm also married. I'm also a serial entrepreneur because I am simultaneously jump starting or rebranding two businesses at one time. And at one point I was a full-time employee. I think I'll go back to that eventually at some point. Um, but that's a lot to manage. And over these years of my life, I'm just realizing the times of my life where I wasn't as present or as intentional with my time. And I believe becoming a mom slows you down, and you end up appreciating those little moments in between you trying to do everything else. And I I think that's one of the things that is really um dope about motherhood. I don't think motherhood makes you who you are. I think it reveals who you've always been. Yeah, I think there's like a second layer of you because being uh just a single woman, that's what I spent most of my twenties and most of my 30s, it's just with me. Um yeah, it it helped me understand who I am, my boundaries, what I won't take, what I will take, all those basics of me, but now motherhood is like all all of that now existing in this motherhood package. So Yeah, it's it's interesting. I'm still growing into it. We all are. I got three kids and I'm stuck still learning and growing right there with you. Okay. So my next question would be what does joy look like for you right now?

SPEAKER_01 6:58

Well, my family.

SPEAKER_00 6:59

Yeah. It is um bittersweet, maybe like up and down, hot and cold. I'm thinking joy can shift, right? But I think it could definitely shift. But it's there, it is absolutely there. So I love seeing my son grow. Um, he is growing fast, it's gonna be time for him to go to school soon. Um, and then it's like creating this new relationship with my husband because it's different. Yes. Yeah, it's like I didn't realize how different it was gonna be. Yes, your relationship or your marriage can change once you have kids. I can definitely contest to that.

SPEAKER_01 7:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

I think it's you you really have to be intentional about your time with your spouse outside of just parenting and managing a household and work. I find myself, um, a lot of times, me and my husband were just in this cycle of we're just talking about the kids and what the kids have going on, we're talking about the house, and we're talking about the bills. And I'm like, uh, so when we gonna talk about us? You know, because after a while it's just like I'm tired of being caught up in this cycle with we're just talking about the kids, the kids, the kids and the household. So I definitely can relate to that. But yes, you have to be intentional about making time um to spend with your spouse outside of your kids or your child. Yeah. That is very important. It's absolutely real. And I I just had that conversation um with my husband. It's like I feel like we're just surviving the day to day. It's like, I mean, that's what it is. It's like, no way, I'm not really. I do not want to settle that. It doesn't have to be like that, but you definitely have to be intentional. You do, right. And I'm not gonna lie, I feel like even when you are intentional, sometimes you'll get off of that. Yep. And so it's a lot of you going in and out of being intentional about making time for each other outside of the household and the children. And I think that's where like the grace comes in, giving yourself grace because you are going to be like, no, I'm not gonna fall back, and you're gonna fall back maybe the next day. I just stop saying I'm gonna fall back because I'd be falling all wherever at that point. It's it's true. So that's I would say that part is maybe the the biggest shift. But I would say my um joy now would be my family. And as I said before, I had a lot of joy within myself when I was you and I met you, I've known you for so long. But when I was living in Tacoma Park, that whole stretch of time was about me. It was every thing, every breath, every time I woke up, what do I want? It's about me, what I want, where I want to go, at what time I want to be there, and it was beautiful. And for for later in life, moms, don't beat yourself up. Please enjoy the time, especially if you're intentional, because even though it was about me, part of it being about me was looking and making myself available for the right man. I spent a lot of time giving to that. It was like I had a schedule. I should write a book about how to date because I think I know how to do it. But they probably can use it in this in this day and age. Very intentional, but those years were so much about me that now I get to experience who I know about myself as a mother. Um, and it's not like, oh, you know, easy. And and I think that that's where it's like, I think media and visually, it can be made to look easy sometimes, and I scoff at that all the time. It's like it's just not, you really have to figure this out every day. I'm glad that you brought that up. I definitely have had those moments wanting to be a content creator, and I'm like, people make it look so easy, but I'm like, sometimes in the morning it's very chaotic in my house. Like, I can't imagine trying to pull out a freaking camera to record the shenanigans. Like, my five-year-old moves at the speed of nothingness. He does not have a sense of actual time. So I'm like, you got all bus to catch. And I'm like, people are recording this, like, this is like so easy. And I'm just like, every day I wake up, it's a different day. I don't know what I'm gonna get or what it's gonna be like in the morning with this kid trying to go to school. So it's I don't know, it's a lot. Um, so as far as like me trying to share bits and pieces of my lifestyle, that was just something I was just like, yeah, that's not gonna work for me. Yeah. Because my life is not like everybody else. And not that I want it to be like everybody else, but it was really just trying to figure out how am I gonna fit this in the midst of everything that I'm doing.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

And then make it look organic and pretty and the lights and you know, you your face gotta be beat at 6 a.m. in the morning. That's not realistic for me at all. It's not beat now. Right. I did do my skincare routine this morning. This is getting right. But I don't got time for that. No, then we don't have our realistic room.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

So I know that you're not. Sometimes I'm like, is my chap's kick in the park? I mean, oh, I got some lotion in there.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

So I know that you said in regards to your joy, your family, but outside of your family. Because I want us to be mindful that as mothers and wives, those are only certain entities of us. And outside of that, we are still individuals. Yeah. And a lot of times we don't get our refill from the place that we are pouring into. So as a mom, we're always being of service to our kids, our household. As a wife, we are being of service to our husband. But outside of that, who is being of service to us? So how are we being serviced? So I know that you say that you get your joy from your family, but outside of those roles as a mom and a wife, what else brings you joy? Yeah, I mean, right now I'm in the thick of it. I I have a I have a three-year-old, so that's yeah, yeah, I gotta say it, girl. Um, but you know what? Outside of him, it's the small things right now. And I think that I'll slowly regain like my footing. And like I said, when I was living as a single woman, I I had I had my whole life. Yeah, all the time in the girl. I felt like that. But now I'm just trying to like build myself back up. So the little things making my home look beautiful. That's one thing. Okay. Um, I just string up some porch lights. I know it's getting cold, but I don't care. They're up and they look great, so it's a place to drink tea. Um, my gardening, everything's inside, so that's something that's for me. So it's really the small things right now. Um, and this is not something that I know that you know every family can have, but like with our nanny, we have a really good nanny, we have a really good sitter who is helpful, so that will give me time if I need it, and I know that I have that support there. So it is truly the small things right now. Um, but yeah, I I agree. And sometimes it's like that minute when you are have locked to the bathroom door and it's just you. I'm glad that it works out. It still works. It might not work for long, but it still works right now. So those moments, it's yeah, this is where I am. Okay. Love that. So, what advice would you give another woman who is trying to balance motherhood, marriage, and entrepreneurship? Yeah, my my biggest advice is take your time. Um, if you're the type to set deadlines, set them. Okay, you know, I would like to do this by then, but be very realistic with the time you have and don't beat yourself up about it. I feel like that's something you remind me a lot of. Yeah. I say it all the time. You're like, but girl, you know I just gotta go mile a minute. All right, girl, I'm here. So let people be who they are. True. But we all need a reminder that girl, you don't want to merge. Yeah, I mean, it depends on because I am introverted. You know, you know that about me. I can't handle much. I'm just trying to figure out how I ended up with so many introverted friends. I don't know, you're the introverted whisperer. I'll take that. I'll take that. I definitely will because yeah, so I'm coming from that standpoint, but I always say take the time that you have because you are juggling a lot as a mom. Um, and you just need to be mindful of that. Um, I would also say that too, and this works for me, step back from social media because it it helps you to also find what truly is passionate to you. There's so much coming at us. So I'm one of those people, years ago, maybe 2015, this was years ago, I got off of social media for five years or so. I just forgot about it. Because I mean, really be out here everyday life. And I never truly got back on. Um I see I see how it benefits entrepreneurs, but I will say that be, if you are on it, be inspired, but don't feel like you have to compare your situation to anybody else's because it can hold you back, it can maybe make you slow to start. You can overthink things with that. Um me being just such a typical Libra, you know, I definitely overthink. I think that's me anyway. And okay, Libra Gengay.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

You just gotta Libra Libra. Yeah. All Libras.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

I got a household Libras for your first two weeks. Libras. And I love it. But yes, the overthinking is there. I think that the quiet that stepping away from social media gives helps follow maybe one or two people that really inspire you, and I would say that that is um some advice that I would give. Absolutely. I do agree that social media can kind of mess with your identity of self if you overconsume it.

SPEAKER_01 17:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

Also, if you do not have a clear agenda in regards to why you are on social media in the first place. For me, I do take a lot of breaks from social media. Girl. I do. And I believe that it's necessary because we have to be very mindful of what we're consuming.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

And what we're taking in. And a lot of times if you're on there looking for inspiration or whatever you may be looking for, sometimes that can affect you having an idea of your own inspiration and what you want out of life because you're so consumed with these reels and these videos, or whoever you're following, and what their inspiration is or what their dreams are and their goals. Now you're like, oh well, should I do that?

unknown 18:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

So sometimes I do take breaks from social media. There is no specific time. Sometimes I just feel into my spirit like I'm over consuming too much of social media. Yep. But I do want to constantly check in with myself to make sure that I'm clear on the message on my platform that I want to put out in the social media world.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Um, and I want it to be authentic and I want it to be geared towards who I am as a person and not who I'm trying to pretend to be or what people to think that I am. I mean, you can't really figure out who someone is in the 15, 15 second, 30-second reel. Like that's just not realistic. So I do agree that sometimes you do need to take a break from social media and spend more time doing things that you love to do and be inspired by the things that are around you in your day-to-day life, not everything that's on social media. Because everything on there ain't real. It's not real. It ain't real. No, no. And it may be for some people. For some, it might be. But whatever it is for you is what it is. Absolutely yourself. So I agree. And I think like even worse yet with social media, it could make you feel like um maybe your what you have to offer isn't good enough, and that's what I don't like you because there's so much out there, I wouldn't want anybody to second guess themselves. Um, know the market, be realistic. If the and if an idea is horrible, it is okay to to start something new, okay? It is okay to let go. But if it's really passionate or burning, don't let you know what else is out there, what other people are successful with, kind of, you know, make you overthink that or step away from something that really could be great with a little bit of work. So absolutely, I think that's some great advice. And always there are pros and cons to everything. And when we think about the reason that social media was created, it wasn't really created for us to necessarily connect with people. I don't think that was the thought that the person had in mind. I think it really was created to waste our time. I'm all over the place. I think it was connecting for like for businesses to connect and I mean I think it's all into that. This is just my ideology, my theory. You can do with it what you want. I just don't believe that it was created for that particular reason. I think it eventually became that as people started creating, you know, social media platforms. But when I think about the web and what it was created for, I mean, yeah, you research and you can Google stuff, but I mean, we had libraries for that, right? People was writing books, they still are. Um but I think it was created to waste your time to pull you away from the things that are actually happening in your life. Because think about when you on social media scrolling, you just scrolling and scrolling and scrolling, you look up, it's two hours later, you ain't done none of the stuff. Two weeks later. You ain't done none of the stuff you said you were going to. You didn't put it all, you then got caught up scrolling. Scrolling, so I just think we have to be better with managing our time.

SPEAKER_01 21:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:32

That's something that I struggle with as well. So a lot of times when I am taking a break from social media, it's like one, I'm looking at how much time I'm spending on these apps. What am I putting out into the world? What is my purpose? What am I sharing today? How am I inspiring people? Um, and sometimes you just need a break to just go within yourself and get inspiration and get creativity and really think about like, how do I? want to impact my platform and the people that follow me in a positive way. Right. Right. So that's my take on it. Yeah, and I love that. I I also um one area that you definitely really inspire me with the social media is that being able to share. Because I'm always like, don't ever let anybody take your voice and where you stand. But I am terrible about sharing where I stand. And I probably have a f a community out there, people who it's like, oh my God, we get the same and but I um that is an area where I need to work on once I took my little hiatus and just stayed off now it's just like you know whatever. You might get back on eventually but yeah I don't really feel like I'm on there. Yeah. And I guess I could say consistently and even more so now because I'm rebranding uh a particular business and I just started a podcast. Hey y'all hey Fab family So I am on there a little more however I'm getting on there with intentions on sharing my experience um trying to impact the people on my platform in a positive way encouraging them. So a lot of times I have very long messages that I post but there is a purpose for that. Yeah. Because there is someone else or someone else in this world that need that inspiration, that encouragement to move you know on an idea that they got. So I agree. I think that that's really good too. I think now too another going back to the advice piece in what we're talking about is I think also having like a niche something that you that's really really connected to you that maybe not other now other people are doing is really good for getting out there and for any business. So um I think that that is oops I'm having a a girl moment. You know how as a woman you think about so many things? Yes and then you forget. So that might come up again. But I know that what what I was talking about is the niche with social media. Yes. Being able to kind of connect to that specific community. Yes because there are following there are followers for whatever your niche or your following is exactly and being able to kind of like connect with that. So I do like it. I think that like you I'm gonna get back on for business purposes but I have to have that's what I was talking about. I have to have some sort of reason some sort of very specific thing like I post pictures about coffee shots and kittens. You know what I mean? For me to really be consistent it's a very specific thing that I can kind of dive deep on versus just this broad taking kind of recording life. That's that's my whole thing. I agree with that too I also think there's space for you to have multiple niches as long as they can be interconnected. Because I have I'm a brand okay and then I have my podcast that's also a brand and then I have a business with my daughter which is a brand but I'm the umbrella of both of those brands. I see yeah and so what I'm doing now on my social media is interconnecting those two businesses under one umbrella and brand which is myself. So they're two very two different things but the overall brand and what I stand for has to connect. And that's something that I've been learning as I'm diving into branding and marketing. So I don't think that any of us should limit ourselves or put ourselves in the box. I don't think so either I think it's where you definitely start somewhere right and let that grow but don't feel like you need to be limited to just one niche or one creative endeavor. Yeah no I don't think so I think that it is a way to get in um and yeah I'm learning from you about branding because girl I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

Girl I'm learning from Chat GP's That's fine that's mine and then I'm gonna be like you give me the clip notes.

SPEAKER_00 25:55

I got you I got you but social media is your thing so that's the advice and then I was gonna just say for moms definitely be gentle with yourself. Yes I tell you that I tell everybody that absolutely my my brand I guess which I don't always share but it's to live simply that is I love that you should talk about that more I should you should post more about living simply I have I have um because a lot of times life ain't that simple so yeah living simply that's my where I really round everything through so always be gentle with yourself I think the best life is a really simple one um there's a lot going on in the world it's a lot to kind of get to drag you around emotionally so that's why I think that that simple part is just great. So be gentle with yourself. And hang out with your friends hang out with your friends or whatever because we got trends and jobs and businesses but make it your business be more intentional about linking up with your other married friends, your single friends just link up with your girls. Yeah love your schedule make it become your friends if that's what you need just to kind of keep everything in order I agree. Absolutely okay War we just reason our career so my next question would be how has marriage influenced the ways or the way you show up as a businesswoman. Yeah it it showed me what it's like to be a part of a team because I work a nine to five um just like most people but I mean what team am I part of? We sit in meetings and not listening. Right? So with marriage it really does show me part the actual part like my opinion matters. I'm one half of a whole team so um I have a stake in this and like the outcome and what I put into it. So um yeah and I just see it's not about it's not about me anymore. And like I said I have a s I have a small coaching business you know like simply not a small coaching business. Maybe it never gained small she got a big coaching business. Okay. Don't be trying to downplay your business it's big business over here. It is small in numbers is very big in what it comes for now but we still not even cleaning that wholeheartedly it's giving big numbers big business big energy so we're gonna run that bit we got a what? Okay back up back up yeah you go I have a life coaching business. Period okay period life coaching business yes outside of work my life coaching business life simply um and that's outside of my nine to five and then my husband too he does cinematography outside of his nine to five so it's like again it's like while I love working with people I really do love coaching. I also like what we talked about before my business is going to give me a little bit more freedom. So I work with people now and I love it but the freedom is not there. You know I have to I manage the case that my job gets me and believe me it's large on my own time I can manage it how it works for me and I can really provide you know the support that I want to because I'm not being overburdened so I can go on forever about work but I know outside of that my husband and I are both building something and I really like that. So marriage has shown me where business can go. It's not just my business but it's something my husband's passionate and we can kind of like support each other in that. Absolutely I definitely believe that marriage to a certain degree is a business and it can be a business. Right. Yep yes there's love yes there's a partnership maturing and all them other things in there. But when it boils down to a marriage is a business. Yeah, it is. I mean I think historically speaking and I don't want to sound angry but I think recent is when love came in like let's just do it for love. But before that it's like no this is this is about purpose. We move with purpose over here. I mean you you definitely need the love in there. And the friendship you know as your as your base and your foundation but over time you you definitely realize that love is a business. It it's I think the found my point is I think the foundation has always been business and now we realize that it is also like when you love the person absolutely for the longevity definitely don't need the nerve of the nerve. So yeah you know and now I think with uh my son being so young coaching I work on it as I can so I will say I've done quite a lot for my business but I've done a lot of the behind the scenes stuff. Right now my husband is able to do um his cinematography and just jumping back into that. So that's where my a lot of my support lies. But when I get a moment I work on my business from the ground up so the good thing is is that when I have the time to coach in the way that I want to and at the consistent rate that I want to I'll be able to do it. So I'll have everything ready to go. So you get a lot of pregnancy because I know I'll be on your line yes yes I'd be on your line coach me baby and I appreciate you because your girl will be needing some guidance. Yeah no and it's like it's funny because you coach me in a certain way as well it's like um I was telling you the other night like I really the way I absorb information sometimes just by visual and seeing and being able to kind of see um we just had this conversation about a dream you had and here you are living it out. You know I'll be out here you know as part of her thing you know I love it. I do what I can do when I can do yeah I and we've known each other for so long that I have seen when you were in my face of it. When you were kind of really into mommy because when they're little it's it it's just it doesn't even fight that because it's just there. No I gave up a long time. Right and that's why I'm just giving in like how do I exist in all of this because it's here right now you do just have to just give in give in because it changes time it does. It's like a slow grief I think yeah I feel like that transition to like motherhood into motherhood the transition into well from girlfriend to fiance to wife like it's a slow grieving process. And you're just like yo like who am I? Yeah like what is happening and so it's it's a lot I mean I became a mom in 23 I mean and I've no I ain't got no regrets or nothing has never yeah it makes this time really make sense more like you have given I've seen where you are that's why like I can see my way out of it. Like right now it's tough, it's hard and I have a young child but I'll be able to gain a little bit more time in my day back. But right now I have completely given in to heat.

SPEAKER_01 32:42

Like he's Uree so like girls not about to be fighting with a girl just won't give in.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

Right, because you know what you have to go to school eventually is the law and so I will get my time back the law. Yeah I won't get my tie back too I definitely believe that that transition yeah into motherhood into wifehood is is a slow greeting process. And then you start to blossom into something so just amazing. Yeah. You know it it really stretches you and grows you and changes your perspective about everything. Yeah it does. It's beautiful. So I am I'm in that blossoming now. Yes because we let it grow over and if it podcasts we don't want it if it's not growing or blooming into something better. I love it. Always we're not trying to be in the same space we was at last year like what's dead. So it's always a little bit more add a little bit more that's for like this. Absolutely and it touched on the fact that you know you're born to me and I'm born to you that is reciprocity. Yeah. Yeah it's been that way for so long you've been you've been around for so many phases of life you know you've been friends with somebody for a long time when you can't you you stop counting a year. You're just like girl we've been friends for forever it's like sweating to a corner like how long I don't know anymore. Somebody asked us one time like how long have y'all been friends like no we stop counting you stop counting when it's good when you gotta keep up with the ears you gotta really be counting. So now you understand why I'm just joking that's but now you understand why I just let go of my age I just kind of just let it float into the wind now that is not the same that's all you know why we have saved that for another podcast on how black women want to be delusional about their age even though they don't look their age anyway. Exactly girls can be delusional about it okay all right I'm I'm gonna let you have that. Don't be delulu because I'd be up there just delusional space it's wonderful. No full of a lot of shenanigans that should be another topic is let's talk about our safe space in our mind because I've been going I don't know if I'm ready to share the shit I'd be getting I mean the stuff I'll be getting into in the Lulu land because I be having a ball up there. No I'm interested because no it's a lot of sitting on the conversation. Yeah I'm not doing that up there. I'm probably doing all the things that I want to do now that I really can do because people probably go look at me crazy. Oh my God. But that's a conversation over some good food let's do it we're gonna move on from the food lab because yeah it means going down up in our okay I am now serious I'm in a delusive VIP section you need a wristband to get in here all right we're moving on y'all let's be serious and a serious bowling our body at times not all of us but yeah so the next question would be um if you could describe this season of your life in one word what would it be and why? Oh yes of course um the same theme of my life it would be myself this season it's about um building pouring into my family definitely pouring into my husband with this business um you know right now it's like my family's needs and happiness come first and it feels interesting to say because like you know it's it's a shift from where it was before but it's my season of giving of supporting of showing up for the people in my life um and at the same time like you said before you always have to pour back into yourself and it's true I don't think it should ever even if somebody is in a space where they're giving to their family they believe me they must find ways to pour back in. And so um my joy again is creating a peaceful home making it beautiful is something that fills me up working on some coaching certifications. I'm just doing behind the scenes with that now and thanks to good friends like you I can test my website test the things we're going through test the payments of work and because those are things you don't want to mess up as you get ready. And then you know overall just learning to live a little bit slower and more intentionally because a three year old means a lot of talking a lot of chaos a lot of noise a lot of tantrums a lot of testing of it and the introverted mind like mine is like Yeah and it's his world and you just exist in it. You know what I mean? So that more intentional and helps me to appreciate those moments and appreciate like the downtime that I do have so much of it but it does exist and I want to make sure I'm always present for it. So that's that's my end but definitely selfless definitely it's my family and I'm I wouldn't want it any other way right now. I'm here now for it. And I'm sure that you're learning a lot about yourself in the season. Oh yeah because being selfless takes a lot of what would I want to be I think this is like one of power? Yeah strength and it's when I dig my heels into my values and why I'm doing it. Oh that's when when I am alone and when I when I spend some time alone sometimes I don't have to think about why am I doing this because I'm me honey because I'm turned up because it's a vibe because because all those reasons can be valid enough when it's just you. But now that it's a family I well now that I have my family I think now it's like the selflessness I I'm able to endure it more because I know my reason why I know the long term what I'm looking for. Yes and you're living in in an answer prayer. You're so right now is that another show but you're right no but I'm like sometimes well not sometimes but yes we a lot of us are living in answer prayers and we prayed for it years ago. I remember I wrote it down you know what I'm saying he was like I need a man I'm trying to get some babies like what's up guy like send me my man Yeah now you got your man you got your baby you know you live your best life so it's like yeah like you're living in an answer prayer and that's a journey yeah to get there. That didn't happen overnight. No, you know what I'm saying I remember the journey and you're right. It is one and it's like I want peace I want a nice quiet suburb area and a good area good school system and all of that has happened. Look look at God. What are you doing? Yeah so that's that's wonderful. So you're right and that also kind of anchors you too because you're gonna have moments where you feel and this season is not for forever. Each season I feel like teaches you something different. Right. I've been a season of gravites yeah no it's never the first season of self is never messed up. It's not like it's just business. Right no it and it takes time to get there. You had to go through another season. Yes. And each season grows you you're learning something you know it's changing your perspective it's expanding your mind. It is you know what I mean and no season is forever. Right so here I am now and then I she she could be in her I don't know who know something fun something spicy my coaching season. Let's speak that as well as this she's gonna be in her coaching. Yes my son is universe less he needs of me and so y'all out there who need a life coach the life holler at your girl okay all right okay Eileen this was so good so good I love this I love this absolutely um it's a beautiful reminder that grace and growth can both coexist at the same time in whatever season you are in in your life and it's commendable for you to be a mom a wife a full time employee an entrepreneur and still managing or finding ways to prioritize joy.

SPEAKER_01 40:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:52

Yes honey I love it I love it thank you so much. I love that for you so now let's move into one of my favorite segments called fabulously trendy well we we're gonna ask Ailey to talk about something that's you know inspiring her right now whether it's fashion trends you know products mindset but anything that is allowing you to be or giving you opportunity to be bold and authentic so I leah what's something that is keeping you fabulously trendy let's see I mean we could we we could start in in the fashion aspect. So let's see so you know because you are like my I don't know fashion fairy I'll take that though yeah ooh fashion fairy godmother like uh hashtag something so yeah I love that so cute I love that too I have spent I want to say about three years redoing my um my closet so it's been my creative outfits I have to find little ways to be creative because normally I would spend all day drinking wine and painting and I used to do that. I love that now I do with such creatives like gardening painting wine starting businesses so creating my my closet has been one of them until I got all my basics and as I told you as I embraced the fact that I am 41 I mean my 40s I'm gonna lie yeah you're in your 40s right and so I haven't been keeping track for so long in my 40s and I realized there's certain pieces I want there's certain books that I want and there's a certain look that I have and that has evolved and so I've worked on my um closet uh for three years gotten all the things pulled out and gotten to just basic so if anybody knows I go well of course but Michael Cores clean lines not a lot of um not a lot of um uh what is this detailing okay really those timeless pieces like key coats and stuff like that so that's yes that was a little bit of a ho. So I created I think a really good closet now I'm just adding like pieces if I see them like you know a little fun skirt I just want a t dress. So that's been something that has kept me fabulous is that now when I go into my closet picking out something to where it's a little bit more fun because I have pieces that mean something to me. Absolutely understanding what colors work for me so like I just got this. I love that sweater again but it's cute. It's very on trend honey so it's no bad red I like a little bit of berry in my red you know what I mean that works for me. So being able to like really dig into that and my passion and figure out what I like that has been fun. Um it's been expensive so I'm glad I did it like this I gotta be honey. So now I can just like lust over one piece here I just bought a really really nice skirt. So that one down went on to Almost from Rats. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 43:50

And I have to we love a good wreck. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 43:54

So yeah that's been fun and then loving my hair that's always been a journey so this is the Definitely another podcast, but my career, I would I would be so working on this podcast. I um, long story short, I went from perm to natural. And yeah, I was here for that transition to your guests. That's how we most money forever. And will continue to be. Maybe because I'm I'm not going nowhere. So when I went from perm to natural, it wasn't just okay, I'm done with the perm. It was like, what does black hair mean? What makes black hair different from white hair, Asian hair? I mean, from the way our hair works, and while it looks intimidating, our hair needs probably the most love. You know what I mean? The pulling. And it doesn't really look intimidating to us. It doesn't. It looks intimidating to other people. Right. But they're not used where they're like, here's some products to dry it out and tribble it down. Don't don't fall for it. So I think this is a whole other podcast that I would love to be a part of. Yes, because black hair, maybe that definitely could be a podcast. Falling in love with my hair. I always tell you my hair bowls is like they're huxable when she was on the Cosby show. Loved her hair. Yes, very healthy. Very healthy. Yes. Gorgeous. Those are my goals. So those are where I would say I am, you know, keeping it fab. Absolutely. And you inspire me with that. I because I do love, I didn't realize how much I do enjoy fashion. And it doesn't have to be such a big deal, but there's parts of yourself that come through in things like your clothes, your writing, um, the way you present to the world. So this is just another way to like be you on a daily basis. I don't like it. Oh I love that. I I love the fact that you have taken the time to go through your wardrobe and taking the time to figure out what works for you and what doesn't. That is like music to my ears. Because maybe the way I will pack up some stuff that has been in my closet and put it in a trash bag and find somebody to give it to. Usually you and any of my other friends. I I really have those moments where I'm like, yeah, um, I think it's because I I believe that it's because I'm constantly reinventing myself.

SPEAKER_01 46:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:04

And I embrace change probably quicker now than maybe I have ever embraced it before. I would say that's true. But girl, what are we talking about last year? Yeah, absolutely. Last yesterday was the past. Okay. Yesterday was the past. But yes, I think it's important to continue to and it may not work for everyone. It works for me. You know, every maybe three to six months, I'm just like, hmm, who do I want to be? You know, or what's speaking to me and what's not. Um, and a lot of times it's just a it's a a download in my spirit, and it's just like, yeah, this is no longer serving me. And I think that everybody should, you know, speak to that part, yeah, or that place in their life where they're just like, hmm, this is no longer serving me. And a lot of times it hasn't been my wardrobe. I think my I'm continual to evolve with my look. Uh so yeah. And as I'm evolving and reinventing myself, apparently out of inspiring others. And I love that.

SPEAKER_01 47:11

I love. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 47:13

Yes. Okay, well, that was cute. Anything else outside of fashion? That's inspiring me. That's because you talked about, you know, decorating your home. Like, what's up with the home interior? Like, oh yeah. Well, you know what Pinterest is like. If I'm online right now, with Pinterest child. Yes. So that's been my inspiration. Um in working on my porch right now. This is a huge space. When we moved into our house, we had a hot tub um that we no longer have. And so And that opened up a lot of space.

SPEAKER_01 47:50

The mother answered prayer show.

SPEAKER_00 47:52

My husband wanted it, and I'm like, okay, no problem. I'm just gonna sit here and I'm just gonna wait. I'm just gonna ask God to support it. So when we do it, so now we have all this space on my porch. And so I've just been creating that, um, getting some ideas off of um Etsy. Okay. Um, so yeah, yeah, I like creating a nice space in my house. And it's definitely taken over by my three-year-old, but I still like always having um I like that home garden look, if you if you will, no matter what I have.

SPEAKER_01 48:22

Because I told y'all that maybe we're gonna take over y'all living room.

SPEAKER_00 48:25

But like I was like, no. And then I came back and I was like, so what happened? Like, you know, it totally took over. Yeah. They once you find out you're carrying them, they'd be taking over everything. It's crazy. So yeah, just making sure to find our flow and our peace and that that's my thing, a clean home. It helps with the fact that like uh life with hot levels, chaos. That things everything has a place. If I'm teaching my son that now, all of your toys have a place. And when they go back in their place, they don't get lost. There's no screaming, you just keep the volume at like six, five. Please let's not talk about volume in the kids. I don't, they they don't have my son before mad is like he's shouting at me because the house is so quiet. I just need you from that volume.

SPEAKER_02 49:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:14

Then it's the thing about like when my house is quiet, then I call someone, especially like my sister, she'll be like, it's quiet. Like, what she might not even say it's quiet, but she'll be like, Where are the kids? Why do we like girl? Don't ask me about them dang old kids. I'm like, you trying to talk them out? She'll bust out laughing because I'm like, she's like, it's so quiet. And I'm like, yes.

SPEAKER_01 49:33

Yes, everybody.

SPEAKER_00 49:37

Those little those little moments you just want to pass by.

SPEAKER_01 49:39

That joy right there. That is joy. Your mother.

SPEAKER_00 49:43

Absolutely. Okay, okay. Well, we're gonna head on out.

unknown 49:48

This was fun.

SPEAKER_00 49:49

Absolutely, Elliot. Thank you for being so open and so real about what it looks like to balance entrepreneurship, motherhood, and marriage while still choosing joy. I hope today's episode, excuse me, reminded someone out there that you can do amazing things without doing everything. And that's grace is enough. Okay. Um, if this podcast blessed you, make sure you share it with a friend or anyone you know who needs that reminder. And don't forget to follow the Fat Podcast so you don't miss what's next. Because they'll be coming back the back, okay? But until then, I'm gonna need y'all to stay faithful, authentic, and bold. And we out of here. Bye. What else?